Writing
This Whole Idea
Ron Paul quotes: This whole idea that the whole Muslim world is responsible for this and they’re attacking us because we’re free and prosperous, that is just not true. This whole idea that we have to be in 130 countries and 900 bases . . . is an old-fashioned idea.
Captain Ethnic
Garbed in a white polar bear fur parka, with his trusty harpoon Innuvalieut in his hand, the Icicle gazed across the vertiginous topography of Manhattan with an icy gaze from the igloo on the roof of the Hudson’s Bay Company Building. Somewhere in that city the evil mastermind known only as The Viking was preparing … Continue reading
A Few Good Chincillas
It isn’t all fluffy bunnies and puppy dogs in the animal control biz. Well, there are a lot of fluffy bunnies and bathtubs full of puppy dogs, but there’s a darker side, too, and not dark like some nice shade to get out of the sun before you catch a raging case of melanoma, but … Continue reading
Mr. Bokchito
In the cool morning air, Mr. Bokchito boarded the computer-run monorail and settled into a seat. He unfolded a newspaper and read it while the train accelerated with whisper-quiet efficiency. Through he was completely familiar with the landscapes of his daily commute, he glanced out the window from time to time, and it was after … Continue reading
DFW RIP
Even now, it’s hard to believe he’s really dead. Not because his suicide is a priori implausible, but because the Liberal Lamestream Media™ can’t be trusted. When a shooting star falls, we mourn its loss, even though we know it’s in a better place—namely, incinerated during its passage through the atmosphere. Where was I when … Continue reading
Shopping List
1) Several hand towels. 2) Several rolls duct tape. 3) One liter bottle of halothane fast-acting soporific.
Epileptic Trees
Some masterpieces can only be appreciated by digging deep beneath the surface by superintelligent persons such as myself. If you’ve seen these movies, you probably thought they were straightforward, because you are not as smart as I. You just have to watch really, really carefully. It’s all there!
Topical Humor
New Coke, have you heard of this? I used to have some old coke in the trunk of my car but the judge said I couldn’t keep it. Who would win in a fight, New Coke or Crystal Pepsi? I say Pepsi, cuz nobody can see it. It’s invisible, this stuff. I thought I was … Continue reading
100 to Watch Under 100
A look at the people who will shape the future of our world. Today’s phenoms are tomorrow’s achievers. The 100 individuals on this list may not be household names, but these up-and-comers are certain to make their mark. So watch out, all you centenarians, because these hot, fast-rising stars are on the brink of blowing … Continue reading
Excerpt from the Secret Amalgamated Handbook
……….If the conspiracy theorists are right, Amalgamated Corporation has long kept a secret handbook that, in many iterations, has recorded its history and philosophy. Never before seen by the outside world, the book, which has been compared to Mein Kampf and the Malleus Maleficarum, may have surfaced in 2009 disguised as a script for an … Continue reading