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About Zak Jarvis

Originally titled Andras Zebulon Delphi Tortuga, the artist currently known as Zak Jarvis has entertained very small audiences for thirty years. Before that he was too demanding to be entertaining, or at least that’s what his parents say. At the age of 16 a freak accident caused him to change his name. The rest is history. You have probably seen his memorial in Saskatoon, whistled the theme song to his show, sucked the real lime-flavor from his signature bubblegum, and you’ve probably even worn his Irritating Hat™.

The time has come though for him to turn over a new page, and he invites you to become his willing thrall-monkey. Under his tutelage, you will learn to be a mindless drone in the Zak Jarvis empire, working tirelessly to build his tinfoil dreams. You will know the throbbing glory of citrus peels. You will be paid in ingots of pure iron. Join now, supplies are limited. Offer void where the law is aware of its existence.