Monthly Archives: March 2011

         My fellow Americans, I am a firm believer in Pritchardian exceptionalism.  As the greatest individual in the world, I have unique responsibilities and moral obligations.  Responsibilities and obligations you probably don’t understand, as you are not as great as I.  That’s why some have questioned my recent action of pushing a fourth-grader … Continue reading »

Goldfarb leafed through the Victoria’s Secret catalogue and debated, which of the models should he fantasize about while masturbating?  First he went through the catalogue quickly, giving each model a brief but fair appraisal, and noting with a tick made with a red felt tip pen in the corner of each glossy page the ones … Continue reading »

If, years ago, you had told me that I, a mild-mannered bro, would someday become a minor celebrity for my star-making, Three’s Company-esque turn as the unemployed stoner housemate of Gary Sinise in the Kevin Costner witchcraft trials and then, later, for being tased by security guards at a forum with John Kerry at the … Continue reading »

. We [Blank] You Do you have a moment?  Let’s step over here so we won’t be disturbed.  Y’know, a lot of people around here have been noticing what you’ve been doing, and I just want to let you know how much we—excuse me, I have to take this.  Hello?  Yes, nothing is in the … Continue reading »