Fiction

New Coke, have you heard of this?  I used to have some old coke in the trunk of my car but the judge said I couldn’t keep it.  Who would win in a fight, New Coke or Crystal Pepsi?  I say Pepsi, cuz nobody can see it.  It’s invisible, this stuff.  I thought I was … Continue reading »

A look at the people who will shape the future of our world. Today’s phenoms are tomorrow’s achievers.  The 100 individuals on this list may not be household names, but these up-and-comers are certain to make their mark.  So watch out, all you centenarians, because these hot, fast-rising stars are on the brink of blowing … Continue reading »

……….If the conspiracy theorists are right, Amalgamated Corporation has long kept a secret handbook that, in many iterations, has recorded its history and philosophy.  Never before seen by the outside world, the book, which has been compared to Mein Kampf and the Malleus Maleficarum, may have surfaced in 2009 disguised as a script for an … Continue reading »

From Gilgamesh to Snow White, from Beowulf to the Pink Panther, every culture has had its myths and legends.  But while the props and settings may change, the spirit remains the same, because the spirit is imprinted on our very souls (according to the fossil record, the soul evolved into its present form sometime between … Continue reading »

The scene: a lavish corner office, at night, high above the sparkling lights of Manhattan.  Everybody else has gone home, but one man remains.  He is David Remnick, editor-in-chief of the New Yorker.  He paces, chews his nails; perhaps he smokes, stubbing out on cigarette after another, filling up the ashtray. The phone rings.  Remnick … Continue reading »

         My fellow Americans, I am a firm believer in Pritchardian exceptionalism.  As the greatest individual in the world, I have unique responsibilities and moral obligations.  Responsibilities and obligations you probably don’t understand, as you are not as great as I.  That’s why some have questioned my recent action of pushing a fourth-grader … Continue reading »

Goldfarb leafed through the Victoria’s Secret catalogue and debated, which of the models should he fantasize about while masturbating?  First he went through the catalogue quickly, giving each model a brief but fair appraisal, and noting with a tick made with a red felt tip pen in the corner of each glossy page the ones … Continue reading »

If, years ago, you had told me that I, a mild-mannered bro, would someday become a minor celebrity for my star-making, Three’s Company-esque turn as the unemployed stoner housemate of Gary Sinise in the Kevin Costner witchcraft trials and then, later, for being tased by security guards at a forum with John Kerry at the … Continue reading »

. We [Blank] You Do you have a moment?  Let’s step over here so we won’t be disturbed.  Y’know, a lot of people around here have been noticing what you’ve been doing, and I just want to let you know how much we—excuse me, I have to take this.  Hello?  Yes, nothing is in the … Continue reading »

Some of you may have caught British comedian and actor Russell Brand’s cameo on The Simpsons on February 20.  What you may not have known is that the yellow “Simpsonized” cartoon image of Brand is, in fact, his original form.  The truth is that Russell Brand has no more reality than does Bart Simpson. My … Continue reading »